Why we need to struggle
As many of you will know, we are now in the midst of exams season. As I write our year 13 IB students are two thirds of the way through, whilst our year 11 IGCSE candidates are probably only a third of the way through. My office is directly opposite the examination rooms, and so I get to see them before they enter to say “Best of luck”, as well as after the deed is done! Often that is the difficult bit, as some students feel that they did not do themselves justice or that the questions were so hard.
This week I was reminded of the reason why we all need to struggle, that finding things in life difficult is part of the process of how we grow as people. In his excellent blog Serendipities Damien Bachoo argues that nothing we value was ever easy, and had the following thoughts to share:
- We sometimes think that struggling is the same as suffering. It can be, of course. But often, it’s not. I have previously discussed this in the context of “academic rigour”, which can be delivered as either “rigour as challenge” (which sounds like good struggling), or “rigour as suffering” (which is how academic rigour manifests most of the time).
- Struggles are an inevitable part of life. The question is not whether we will face struggle but how we will face it when it unexpectedly comes. We need to stop seeing them as struggles and see them as opportunities to grow. Easier said than done, I know.
- Overcoming our struggles often forces us to tap into our creativity. We have heard that “necessity is the mother of invention”, and in some ways, this could be refashioned as “struggle is the mother of learning”. During COVID, we were forced into new ways of working…and AI is doing the same now as it disrupts the status quo in how we can learn (and teach…and assess…and…).
- Struggles keep us humble. They remind us that we are human, that we do not know everything, that we have weaknesses, that we make mistakes, and that we have limitations. Struggling can, therefore, give some protection from hubris and entitlement.
- Struggles can amplify our achievements. Is it true that nothing we truly value is easy to obtain? Reaching a summit and overcoming many struggles is what gives certain goals their lustre.
- We spend much time contemplating how to save young people, students, and our kids from struggling. Even when kids struggle to find things to do (it’s called boredom), we feel obliged to try to fill that time for them.
As parents I would invite you to consider the sixth bullet point above. Instead of filling every hour of the day for our children with specific extra curricular activities of our choice, how would it be if we allowed them to be creative and pursue something that they picked? Giving our children this agency and freedom of choice would empower them to be proactive when they get older in continuing to do things that interest them, rather than taking part in activities out of a sense of duty to someone else.
So in summary please do not worry when you see your children struggling with something. Support them in finding a way to overcome the struggle, but do not give them the solution. They need to go through the process to grow.
